We have chickens...lots of chickens. Chickens attract wildlife...lots of wildlife.
We like our chickens and feel a deep burden to protect them from the evil world that lurks beyond the safe haven of their chicken yard.
We have wildlife...lots of wildlife. Wildlife with long rat-like noses, almost-human feet and sickeningly-scaly prehensile tails. Have I described well enough the nasty, grotesque creature that is the object of my disgust?
Yes, it is the Opossum, or 'possum if you're dialectically inclined. (I am.)
I hate possums. They disgust me, if you hadn't noticed from earlier in the post. The funny(?) thing about this possum aversion is that my nickname as a child, which I remember with great fondness, was of all things...possum. Patty Possum to be exact.
Anyway, back to the "Great Adventure". Benny and Andrew went down to milk the cow this morning and Andrew came running back yelling at the top of his lungs, "Matthew, there's a possum in the feed bin." Matthew, with his hands ever itching for the feel of cold, hard, steel, grabbed a gun and ran down to "remove the wildlife from the premises".
(If he was reading this, Matthew would be loudly proclaiming that it wasn't just A gun, it was a 30 something, double aught, 22 gauge so-and-so. But I digress.)
Well, the wildlife was removed, and Benny and Andrew proudly showed me their bounty. Blech. Andrew actually had the audacity to ask if he could eat the revolting creature.
Anyway, we went back to normal life, finished the rest of the morning chores (don't I sound like Ma Ingalls!) and started school. Andrew and Joey then went to check one of Andrew's traps, and this time Joey came running back with the very urgent message that...you guessed it, Andrew caught yet another possum in his trap. (It must be an unspoken rule that the younger child is required to do all the message running.)
Matthew again grabbed a some-sort-or-other gun and became a bonifide Wildlife Removal Specialist. Of course, all the children, including my sweet Rachel, had to go watch the "removal". Again, the proud hunters brought back their disgusting quarry, but this time with a bonus??!!
See below to find out what the "bonus" was.
Did you guess "the rat-like, hairless, squirming, undeveloped possum young"??
If you did , you're a winner! The boys discovered that their were babies living in the possum's pouch. Andrew and Benny actually had the audacity to ask if they could "keep them". When I asked them what they would feed them, they said, "their mother's milk". Sadly, I had to inform them the the mother wasn't going to keep producing milk because THE MOTHER WAS DEAD.
You know, I normally have a great deal of compassion for baby animals. But I can truthfully say that I felt NO compassion, and maybe even a bit of glee, when I saw those pitiful, pink, wriggling babies and realized they weren't long for this world. I guess that makes me a possum Sadist.
So, here are a few slightly bloody pictures of the boys with their possums and Matthew with his dearly beloved...I mean his "Wildlife Removal Tool".
Well, if this post didn't disgust you, then you've got a stronger stomach than me! I'd better go now, I've got two possums waiting for a skinnin and a cookin! Ha ha!
(That's really not very funny, and I think typing that made my morning sickness recur.)
Mama
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9 comments:
Katie,
This is hilarious! We had one of those "attractive" critters die under our house a while back. Rob tried to lasso it and the tail came off...it was so gross!
Kelly
They're not actually going to eat them . . . are they . . . ??? :P
Oh Katie!
That was just what I needed to start my day...a good dose of laughter!! Sounds like Millerville is still a fun place to be, even if it is no longer in Alturas.
We miss y'all something fierce & sure enjoy reading your posts!
Love,
Terrie
Highlylarious!!!
Our thoughts, EXACTLY!
Everything happened exactly like you said,except it happened over 1000 miles away. (Even the "gun name" part.)
That's scary
Love you Mrs. Ingalls,
The (other) Mrs. Ingalls
When eating a possum it must be done in pairs. (never alone) While one is eating the possum the other must look for traffic!!!
North Carolina Possum Recipe
Put one possum on a piece of cardboard and place it in the oven on 350 for 2hrs. Remove from the oven. Throw the possum away and eat the cardboard.
They say you don't have to chew up a possum, just put a piece on your lips and it will slide the rest of the way down!!!!!
Daddy always told me "whatever ya shoot ya gotta eat" (we never told when we shot a possum!!!!)
Oh Katie!
Didn't you know that you are to rescue those poor creatures? According to the website, "Help I Found A Baby Possum!" (which I discovered only because I was curious to know what a baby possum was called ~ never did find out)
~ "It is best to wear plastic gloves or wash thoroughly when finished handling dead animals and/or retrieving the babies." (I didn't notice plastic/rubber gloves in those pictures ;)
~ "When attempting to remove babies from a mother's pouch, be aware that they may be difficult to "pull" off. Regardless, (I love that word, "regardless" you must do it. Why?) you should gently but firmly do so. If you are squeamish or afraid to do this, use a shovel and put the carcass into a sturdy cardboard box for transport to a Wildlife Rehabilitator." (Our tax dollars working for us through subsidized wildlife rehabilitation)
Now that I have informed you of the proper care and handling of orphaned possums I would like to congratulate you on the proper removal of varmints from your beautiful farm.
Keep up the good work!
KelliPaige
Oh my starzzz!!! The pictures are worse than the ones you painted when you told me about these incidents!! Oh, ugh, I think I am sick! (Does this mean I need to question any "mystery meat" I encounter at the Miller farm???)
Well, you still are your daddy's little Patty Possum!
Love,
Mother
haha i love it!
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